a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
