im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
