alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
