i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
