Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
