I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize