everyone is single if you try hard enough
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
