Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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