I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
