I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
