he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
