I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
