Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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