that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My dick has a subreddit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
