Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
