There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
