He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize