he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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