I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
