Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
