We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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