Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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