It's Friday. Sex?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
