We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
