dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We had to coat check the pizza.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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