Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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