Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
