Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
