I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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