I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no, he came in my armpit
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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