Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize