I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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