OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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