On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
