Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
