I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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