Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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