Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
