Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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