just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
