Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
