dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
