She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize