how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
