Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
