Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
love makes seman taste better
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
