You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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