Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
