So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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