When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
