Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
