You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
