Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
