There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
