and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
