Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
