maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Everything about him screamed your future.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
