Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
