Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
