I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
