I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
