Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
