Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
