There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
