I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He shit in the fireplace
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
