At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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