Your face is a jimmy john
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
