My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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