My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize