Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
