You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
