I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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