this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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