I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
